You swipe right, start chatting and then realize the guy you thought had potential is really just confused AF. You don’t know what the hell he’s even doing on the dating app, but here are possible reasons why he seems to be all over the place.

No, he’s not “checking out the scene.”
Don’t you hate it when you start chatting to a guy and he tells you he’s on Tinder because he’s “checking out the scene”? Um, no. That’s just code for, “I don’t know what I’m looking for but I hope I’ll know when I see it.”

He’s there for the fun of it.
He’s not on the dating app because he wants to try meet someone special or go on a real date. If he were, he’d be taking action. Instead, he’s just there for the hell of it, maybe because he was horny AF on a Saturday night or his drunk friends dared him to sign up. Meanwhile, you’re looking for something real but keep meeting these losers who waste your time because no matter what they say or how thrown they are by you, ultimately they have a booty-call agenda.

So regardless of whether or not you use an online dating site, a dating app, go to happy hour after work, or get fixed up by your great aunt Myrna or a matchmaker like me – just keep dating! A smart strategy coupled with consistent effort is a proven recipe for success! I hope you find this information helpful. Not that the pandemic has slowed down the growth of dating apps. A Marketplace report on the dating app scene found that the top 20 dating apps saw active daily users grow by 1.5 million last year. The cons of online dating apps. Most of the time, you can’t control who you’re attracted to online. When that person turns out to be situated on the other end of the world, you start to doubt whether online dating is really worth the effort to engage in a long distance relationship. When on a dating app, you have time to respond to messages. But if you’re actually talking to somebody and they’re not coming up with good responses, or they’re not being honest, you’ll be.

He’s happy to date online indefinitely.
One of the most confusing things on dating apps is when a guy seems really legit: he’s got a decent photo in which he’s dressed and there are no ex-girlfriends that have been half-cropped out of it; he’s keen to chat and he seems really interested. The only problem is, he’s not actually asking for your number or to go on a date and it’s been days or weeks of “just talking.” WTF? He’s not looking for anything serious, just floating around and seeing who he connects with. It’s sad that online dating has replaced the real thing.

He’s suffering from dating app burnout.
Yup, it’s a thing. Dating apps used to seem so sparkly and exciting when they launched onto the scene, but now they’re yesterday’s news. People feel exhausted from dealing with them, but the problem is many of them are still signing up to dating apps! They’re going on in case there’s something special to be gained from swiping right, but their hearts are just not into it.

He’s on too many apps.
One dating app is enough, but you’ll find people who are on many at the same time. Geez, no wonder they seem so confused. It must be really hard to stay on top of things without going crazy.

He’s in a relationship.
This is the ultimate shady move, but it’s sadly happening. In a study by Abodo that surveyed 4,000 college students, 44 percent of them confessed to using dating apps while they had a partner. No wonder people seem so confused! They’re just going on dating apps to “window shop” even though they can’t afford to invest in someone new because they already have someone at home. Ugh.

He’s “dating” multiple people online.
You get the window shoppers, then you get the guys who are single but dating more than one person on dating apps. Because of this, they don’t give you their full attention, which makes you wonder if they’re really into you. The truth is, they’re too busy chatting up six different women. It’s like a freaking “Bachelor” reality show up in here!

Casual dating is confusing.
Maybe it’s not always the people on dating apps who seem confusing — maybe dating in general is. So many people seem to hide behind casual dating that it’s become an epidemic. The result? Everyone’s confused about what everyone’s doing and buckling under the pressure to be casual and avoid commitment. It’s so messed up.

He’s afraid of rejection.
This fear could be what’s keeping him guarded or preventing him from being real about his feelings. He’d rather lay low — and who can blame him, when we’ve got dating apps that are pretty much based on rating people’s profile pictures before knowing anything about them?

He can be lazy and get away with it.
It’s sometimes more difficult to be confusing AF in real life because people will set you straight. But from behind a phone screen, anything goes. Guys can give you mixed signals because they don’t have to man up and say what they really want or feel, and it’s hard to gauge things like tone in texts. They can be lazy AF without the pressure to get real, leaving you confused and irritated.

He’s using dating apps for attention.
Research published in Psychology Today found that young adults use Tinder for various reasons, the most popular ones being love and casual sex, self-worth and validation. You’re likely to find guys who are just there to see if they can get your attention because it makes them feel better about themselves, like if they’ve just been dumped, without needing to take things further.

He’s emotionally unavailable in other ways.
He might not have a girlfriend in real life, but maybe he’s being so confusing and giving you mixed messages because he’s emotionally unavailable in another way. He could be afraid of relationships or too afraid to commit. He might be painfully shy or have low confidence. So why is he trying online dating? He could want to test himself and see if he can have fun with women online without the stress of real-life dating.

He doesn’t know what he wants.
He heard that dating apps are all about sex, so he was curious to check them out. He might stumble upon love, but often that’s not his first thought when he signs up to the dating app. Is he into the idea of love? Even he doesn’t know! Reassuring, right? Basically, he has no plan, no idea what he wants, and probably isn’t ready for the amazing woman he’s going to swipe right on — you.

He’s overwhelmed by too many options.
Imagine if you have to choose one pair of red stilettos out of a thousand pairs. You’ll probably stand there confused AF for hours, and you’ll probably wish that you only had to choose from five pairs, right? Online dating is the same thing. Too many options are making it harder for people to make decisions, and then causing burnout. The result? You want to throw your phone against the wall because of these confused AF men!

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I’ve always been a big fan of online dating. When I was single, I met wonderful men online, and as a dating coach, I teach women how to date online effectively. My clients have extremely high success rates – almost all end up in relationships, so I’m totally sold on online dating (for those who want to put in the time and effort). There are so many awesome singles online!

But what about dating apps? Are they just for hooking up or can you actually find committed relationships and true love on the apps as well?

I used to poo-poo dating apps, thinking they were only for promiscuous players. When Tinder came on the market, it seemed like it was the straight people’s version of Grindr, and most people were using it for hooking up (having sex with strangers). But that’s not the only way it’s being used now.

These days, sites like Tinder, Hinge, Happn, Bumble, and Coffee Meets Bagel are very popular with commitment-minded singles. Believe it or not, many of my marriage-minded clients have tried dating apps and have had very good experiences. In fact, some prefer dating apps over traditional online dating sites!

Here are some of the advantages of using dating apps…

• It’s super easy to start a conversation.
• It takes less effort than online dating.
• You can limit who contacts you by indicating interest (or lack of it).
• There’s less rejection – in most cases you’ll never know who wasn’t interested in you.
• You won’t overthink or disqualify people (because apps don’t give that much info).
• With GPS location-based apps, you can see where people actually ARE (as opposed to where they say they are) and you can date someone nearby.
• Some apps interface with Facebook, so you have a “friend” frame of reference.
• Apps are quick and easy to use.
• You can be spontaneous and meet someone right away.
• You can go out on more dates than with traditional online dating.

Each app is a little different, so here’s a breakdown of some of their features…

Hinge connects you with friends of your Facebook friends, so you meet people from similar social circles, and you have a frame of reference – you can see which friends the two of you have in common (and do a little pre-date research). This app gives you the person’s last name, so privacy might be an issue. You’ll like this if you want to Google someone before meeting. Hinge gives you a few matches per day and you have only 14 days to begin communicating (that is a motivator!). I’ve heard more positive things about Hinge than any other dating app.

Happn connects you with people you cross paths with on a regular basis. Men and women indicate interest by “liking” each other and sending “charms”. If there is mutual interest, both parties can begin texting. But I had one client turn off the app because she got matched with someone in her office, which she wasn’t comfortable with. Depending on how you look at it, this app is pretty cool or kinda creepy.

Tinder allows both men and women to show interest by swiping right or left, and there is no limit to how many people you can “like”. I’ve heard from a female client that some men (and probably women too) swipe for the ego boost, with no intention of taking it anywhere. So don’t take it personally if you match with a bunch of people and only a handful actually message you. On Tinder, it’s especially important to indicate that you’re looking for a long-term relationship and not a hook up. Tinder also lets you know if you’re connected with someone on Facebook.

Bumble is a great app for women who don’t want to get overwhelmed or hear from men they aren’t interested in. On Bumble, both men and women indicate interest, and when they are matched, only women can reach out via text and they have just 24 hours to make contact, which I like.

Coffee Meets Bagel (love the name) gives you only one match per day, which I love! This app does away with overwhelm and what I call “online dating ADD”. Studies show that people are more likely to make a decision and take action when they have fewer choices and for that reason alone, I highly recommend the Coffee Meets Bagel app! As added bonuses, the app uses Facebook integration and singles can only connect if there is mutual interest.

Here are a 5 important things to remember when using dating apps:

1. Your photos say it all. With some of these apps, you can only use one or two photos and there is very little personal information, so those photos better be good! Photos tell stories, so you might want to choose one that’s not only flattering but also interesting or fun! If you’re not getting the response you want, try using a different one.

2. Make sure to indicate that you are looking for LOVE. There are so many different ways you can do this – it’s up to you – but just do it! If you’re ready to find “the one”, don’t waste your time talking with people who are dating just to date (or have sex). Your time is too valuable.

3. Be careful! Please use your common sense and be super careful. Meet people in public places, let someone know where you’re going and who you’re meeting, and don’t give out personal information until you know this is someone you can trust.

4. Insist on a phone call. Dating has become so impersonal, which is why I teach my clients that they must always set up their dates via phone. If someone isn’t willing to pick up the phone and call (not text), then they’re not worth meeting. ‘Nuff said!

5.It doesn’t really matter HOW you meet people – it matters THAT you meet them! So regardless of whether or not you use an online dating site, a dating app, go to happy hour after work, or get fixed up by your great aunt Myrna or a matchmaker like me – just keep dating! A smart strategy coupled with consistent effort is a proven recipe for success!

I hope you find this information helpful. I’d love to hear which are YOUR favorite (and least favorite) apps and why.

And remember, dating isn’t always easy, but you’ve got to make sure you’re having FUN. Decide to be authentically you, have a positive attitude, be kind, enjoy being in the moment without worrying about the outcome, and just ENJOY it. Sometimes it takes longer for our love to show up than we’d like, but “the one” is on the way, don’t you worry about that! All good things come to those who wait (and put in the time and effort)!

Have a GREAT day! And go download a dating app! What the heck – give it a try!

xo,

Michelle

Not A Data Mining Functionality

Is Hot Or Not A Dating App